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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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6:26 pm - ...for the better sake of my sanity
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i've been letting sabrina use this account to read some friend's journals, though she hasn't posted anything. man, it's been a hella long time. oh, well. back to the old grindstone, i suppose. ;)
current mood:  amused
current music: standing all alone - not by choice
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(11 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
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11:51 am - ... this peroxide thing is not working for me
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LiveJournal
Trading Cards
Free Account Edition
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) emilyrugburn
User Number: 99295
Date Created:04.13.01
Number of Posts: 366
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| dakota dislikes anything that involves teenybopper concert fans; well, to be honest, she doesn't like fans at all, but makes friends wherever she goes anyway. she's a candy whore to those who want it and will bite and kick for front row. kody is, and always will be, a girl not to be trifled with - but she *is* a sap for scott moffatt, iced green tea, and axl rose. |
| Strengths: emotionally stable [for once], self-confident, arguing with security guards, getting things to work out the way they ought to be |
| Weaknesses: always wanting boys i can't have, sleeping in too late, falling far too hard in love, always something - never nothing. |
| Special Skills: cooking, the plethora of useless historical information she keeps in her head, making/altering clothes, getting back on the horse right after getting kicked in the face |
| Weapons: pointy, squared-off fingernails; guilt trips to the extreme; a spiked silver collar nearing retirement; sharp wit and disgusting sense of humour; and best of all, a horned rubber duck named Ferdinand that goes to all concerts |
| Currently Rocking Out For: the moffatts, hanson, pusch, boston post, tuuli, liveonrelease, bif naked, and jonny was...
"someday, we'll be famous for all of this." |
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(4 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
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9:51 pm - ... we got each other, and that's a lot
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| Saturday, August 16th, 2008
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9:04 pm - ... hope you remember me when you're homesick and need a change
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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7:08 pm - ... the very last and best reason NEVER to throw a house party:
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While cleaning my room this afternoon, an act that has not taken place since well before March, I came across a knife that I had never seen before in my entire life, plastic-handled and scuffed up, with a six-inch blade. It was a kitchen knife, but not one of ours.
Do not throw wild house parties.
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(1 siamese-campino | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
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6:01 pm - ... boiled peanuts in a graveyard
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I want to know why it is that I can seem so different to everyone else; why they can all think up some stereotype for me and put me in that category and leave me there, and why it has to be that I have to be single and unhappy.
If I have been told that I write beautifully it is by someone who may or may not envy that fact, yet I'm told by others still that they at one point longed to be like that and no longer do because they've grown up. If I have been called beyond my years it is by someone who either has the experience to realize that or someone my own age who does not understand me, yet I'm told by someone merely four years my senior in no better position than my own that I am nowhere near mature enough to converse with the likes of them.
I want to stop being something that no one understands. I want, out of everything else, to be able to myself and have no one judge me poorly for that. I want to be free and I mostly am, and I want to inspire others. Do I? Probably not.
I ruin myself daily watching and reading amazing things. I want to be able to do that to other people - to make them mushy and sentimental and cause them to think up their own fantastic things because of something I have said, written, or done. Is that a lot to ask, to be some muse for the masses? It probably is; I'm probably being greedy and selfish.
I want, just once in my life, to find some person on the wrong track in life and influence them to be better and wonderful and themselves by being myself. In Lux's famous words, I want to make a decent man of Scott. Not necessarily him specifically, but the same general idea. I want to be able to take the silly quirks I have and turn them into something inspirational.
I want someone to think sunsets in parking lots is beautiful, too.
I want to know what I'm going to do when I leave highschool. I want to be an actress, but my resources are dwindling and I have no experience. I want to go to concerts for the rest of my life, but I don't have a job or the money to pull that off. I want to see mountains again, preferably in mid-western Canada, but I don't have a car to get there with.
I want so many things, and I'm being so greedy, but I can't help but tell everyone these things, in hopes that maybe someone can tell me how to get some of them without lying, cheating, stealing, or hurting anyone in the process.
I'm seventeen, without a realistic hope for the future. My liabilities are the fact that I have no job, resources, or connections... and my assets are two guitars, the very fact that I have no children and am not consequently married, and two feet and a heartbeat.
I just want to be something to someone.
current mood: hopeful
current music: [[cry - mandy moore]]
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(5 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Saturday, July 26th, 2008
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2:39 pm - ... only on days like these
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| Monday, July 14th, 2008
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9:02 pm - ... the look of a back parking lot at sunset
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I'm calling in all favours, and any potential favours owed to me by anyone listening:
I'm blogging in the Blog-A-Thon this year for Tahnie and the Cystinosis Research Network, and if anyone could spare even a few bucks to sponsor me, I would really appreciate it. The cause means a lot [since Tahnie means a lot, among other things] and we'd both be forever grateful of you. If you want to ask any questions, email us at windandrain@laundromatic.net, or sponsor me directly here... come on, you know you all want to see what I'm like trying to blog every half hour at four-thirty in the morning... he he he he.
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(4 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
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9:50 pm - ... in the good old hockey game
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[nothing like three or four seventeen-year-old boys singing this in the middle of an english class. ah, memories.]
I just found the entire 4:46 version of Bridges of Stone... and I cried. Mock me, I dare you. I missed my fucking mp3s.
Will someone please send me some Pusch mp3s so I can burn this damned cd?
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(1 siamese-campino | gimme reject candy!)
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| Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
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9:49 pm - ... fire it up
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It's a sad day when I can sit and listen to the Backstreet Boys and not really mind all that damn much. I mean, it's a pretty tune... but otherwise it's just damn brainless tripe.
I picked up a brand new, 300-page notebook. I started writing my sequel tonight, and it scares me that I have it in me to do this. But I'm going to anyway, just to prove to him that I'm as good as my word. I'll keep him proud of me in some tiny little way. Some minute, low-scale degree. I'll do it. Just for him, damnit.
My fingers are really cold and I'm going into nicotine withdrawl - I'm going to have to crack one out on the way to driver's ed tomorrow morning. I'll be glad to get up north on Friday; I need the vacation from this city. Though it hasn't been the same since Princess died... but... I need that place like burning.
I got a previously-viewed DVD of the Princess Diaries at Blockbuster for ten bucks, and I think I'm going to go ignore the absolutely shitty reception/quality/whateverthefuckiswrong on my DVD player and watch it, because it'll make me all warm and fuzzy and remember that all can be right with the world in some aspects.
It's getting harder to let go of the things I know I can't keep.
Too hard.
*sigh* I'm also going to mix the Peroxide tour soundtrack for this year; it'll make me feel better.
to do this week
*driver's ed starts tomorrow at 8:50 a.m.
*pack for the weekend
*chiro re-appt. wednesday at 3:45
*figure out the bus schedule for next week
*work on morningstar
*mix peroxide tour soundtrack
*mix aquamarine manic for bif shows
Here goes. Like Kimmie said, it's always something.
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(gimme reject candy!)
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| Saturday, June 21st, 2008
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8:53 pm - ...
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I've come to a point, as of this very moment tonight, where I can't deal with this any longer. It's been three months since I threw that party and I am sorry. There's nothing else I can say or do about it, and I would be just ecstatic if it would all go away and never come back again.
I behaved myself this evening at dinner. I was polite, I didn't put up a fight when they wouldn't let me drive, and I didn't spark any arguments. I was on my best goddamned behaviour. I just ate my dinner, got in the car, and came down here to the computers once they'd gotten settled in with their company. I haven't asked for any money, I haven't done anything that should piss them off. Yet, here I am, at 8:45 with my mother yelling at me that she can't find her goddamned nail polisher. I did not take or use that nail polisher. Not once this week did I touch it, or even touch my nails for that matter, and she assumes that I've taken it and done something with it. So she assumes I know where it is, which I don't, which they don't believe.
Twenty minutes before all of this I was happily playing a game on Neopets that my dad thought was pretty cool. He left me alone until my mother suddenly stormed across the hallway behind me upstairs, screaming that if I wasn't typing up my novel, I had to get off the computer. So just for safety's sake, I brought up the story I was typing and started adding to it. I wasn't done five new lines when he came downstairs to the refrigerator in the laundry room, then back in here to bitch me out for a good fifteen minutes about things 'disappearing and reappearing in places they don't belong'. Neither of them believe that I didn't touch her fucking nail thing, and here he is screaming at me for something I didn't do. So then he's going on about the disaster my room is, and the fact that my sister and I didn't get along all last week, and that my bed needs to be made now.
I didn't get along with Amy last week because I don't need some twenty-three-year-old bitch telling me what to do and how to do it as though she were my mother all week long. We did get along. We went to the movies, I made her the dinners she wanted, and I went to my exams. But I cannot take that brat telling me when I need to study, or if I need to study at all. She's never here. She doesn't live here anymore, it's not her home, and she has no right to rule me. Then she has the gall to say that because I'm grounded, she's grounded. What a load of fucking bullshit.
I said I was sorry. I didn't do one goddamn thing wrong tonight. I want to know why they're taking it out on me NOW. I want a father that I can scream back at without being hit, and a mother who actually has a fucking brain in her head. I want out of this goddamn place and if I had any fucking money left, I'd leave. But no, I had to go spending that on a tattoo and Amy's goddamn silence.
This is my last entry for a long time. There's nothing any of you need to know anymore, and nothing I want to tell any of you. If I need to get it out I can put it in a paper journal... since the only thing anyone was coming here for was the James soap opera.
I'm going to miss you. But I can't do this anymore.
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(2 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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7:43 pm - ... sleeves too big and tattooed boys
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I want one of those hoodies with the kitty ears on the hood...
Furthermore to that, however, I would also enjoy a carton of cigarettes [Luckys, if you're in the states, and DuMaurier Lights if you're here in Canada... and if you're elsewhere, some of those mad fucking cool black Russian cigarettes.] and some of the effing awesome merchandise from the Fender online store...
lanyard [cuz I wanna be like the cool boys at school that keep their car keys on lanyards]
zippo [because I am so sick of disposable lighters, miss my old zippo, and this one's on sale...]
I can't buy things from the online store - they only ship to the US and I would just kill for those two things. Which is sad. But... hey... if anyone felt bad about not getting me a birthday present and got me either of those, I'd love you... that carton of cigarettes wouldn't be bad, either... but yeah.
I have a strange feeling that I did alright on my German exam, which would really be a relief, so I don't fail the class... but since I finished forty minutes before I was allowed to leave, I didn't really feel good about it.
[The more I look through the stuff at the Fender store, the more I want.]
I think the main problem I'm having difficulty coming face to face with is that I don't have any free time this summer; driver's ed starts on Tuesday and summer school the week after that, and the new stores at the mall open in August so I'll be jobhunting. I've never wanted to go back to school so much in my life, and I know that's because I don't have my boys around to give me concerts and something to be hopeful for.
I think I'm going to bleach the last of the Green Envy from these streaks and mix Green Envy with Blue Lagoon... maybe I can make a cool teal.
I'm scared that I won't pass summer classes and that I'll have to drop something to take remedial math next year, which will just screw up my schedule even more... I already have to go back the very beginning of September and bump off Politics to take Philosophy, because there is not a shot in hell that I'm going to take both law and politics in one year.
I just don't want this free time anymore. It's not the same this year - the Bif concerts will rock, yeah... but it's not the promqueen tour, and nothing ever will be again [unless they come back for good]. I'll have my G2 by September hopefully, and then I'll be able to drive to school without skipping last period to bring the car back and make sure it's got the same amount of gas it had at 7:45 that morning, but at the same time then I won't have any excuses to bug rides from James. *laughing* I'm willing to bet he'll be relieved when I pass my driving test.
I think I complain too much.
Luxie, I'm sorry - email me and I'll explain exactly what went down on Wednesday morning. It'll make you smile.
current mood: complacent
current music: allyouwanted;michellebranch
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(gimme reject candy!)
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| Friday, June 20th, 2008
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9:58 am - ... when we're driving in your car
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Well, I tried twice last night to post something and ended up having both of them deleted; perhaps LJ does not wish for my general public to hear about James and I suppose that's alright, since most of them don't want to hear it anyway...
But yayness for surveys. Yayness to Kirstie and Cath for this.
( off we go into the wild blue yonder )
current mood: happy
current music: missyoulikecrazy;themoffatts
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(1 siamese-campino | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
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3:42 pm - ... light the shadows
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I really don't like how message boxes react to WindowsXP, specifically the LiveJournal box...
So I have this stack of Joycam photos from today and yesterday; there's one I particularly love where I look like hell on earth and he's got the most adorable smile on his face... it's staying in my purse forever. I'm so in love with that camera - God bless the man who invented Polaroids.
... and I hate the colour scheme in the living room now, and I hate how worked up silly Hanson teenyboppers are getting, and I hate that he's leaving me, and I hate that I can't change anything, but at the same time... I'm just glad that I got what I did. Kimmie was right, and I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else thinks.
Tahnie, you're going to come up here in August or whenever and we're going to drive disturbingly fast singing very loudly; Lux, you and I need to talk, and we need to work you past this thing, and I need to make you laugh... and you need to read Leaving California; Alicia, I wish to God's fucking feet you'd come see me sooner or later.
I don't want this to end - I want this year to be the same forever, but at the same time I know I can't do that. It's just been so fantastic and amazing... and... and there's crap under my fingernails from being outside so much today. *sigh* I want to see James do what he swore he'd do if he got a bad mark on his essay; I want to see him come after me. *laughing* It'd be funny.
How come he's so photogenic and I look so gross all the time? Bah.
Somehow, I think I'll remember this year the best... for now. Maybe he won't leave... maybe next year will be the best... but right now, I'm never forgetting all the awesome stuff that's happened in this one little year.
current mood: alive
current music: justlikeapill;pink
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(3 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Monday, June 16th, 2008
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7:51 pm - ... i am the prophet
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I don't want you to post to this. I just want people to know what I'm thinking.
friday, august 10, 2001:
11:24p - ... this damned winamp is in tune with my brain
I'm always going to love you, somewhere in the back of my head and heart, no matter what happens, what you do, or who you marry.
I hope you still have it somewhere... at home or stuffed into a random guitar case or something... I just really want to be sure you didn't give it to her, because that was a piece of my heart and she'll never understand that.
Someday I'll be famous for this and maybe then we can talk about the stupid things we used to do for love.
current mood: touched
current music: Hanson [Wake Up]
current mood: content
current music: andersonmesa;jimmyeatworld
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| Sunday, June 15th, 2008
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10:45 pm - ... bri makes me happy
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10:17 pm - ... she ran calling wildfire
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There's this little headache crusader sitting on his steed somewhere behind the bridge of my nose, standing attention with a thousand more Gentiles behind him, ready to beat the shit out of my heathen nose. Apparently they believe my nose needs their headache saviour. Or, failing to convert my nose, at least get the barbaric Germanic tribes in my forehead.
G'damn, my head hurts. They're battling like real soldiers up there.
My dad gave me my own dvd of Harry Potter - I'm going to call Summer up tomorrow once they've left for Milwaukee and invite her over to watch it with me. I need to clean my room and I'll probably get around to that sometime this week, but for now I'll let it be the disaster area that it currently is.
I want someone to buy Missundaztood for me. For some ungodly reason, I really like it.
I'm tired of having these conversations with people about him - if you're going to tell me to give up, at least find a creative way to do it. I get so tired of the same thing over and over again.
I found the last existing hard copy of The City in the Fall and began to cry - I was so sure it was gone for good. My god, it was a relief to know I still had it, after my others were all gone. I'm going to miss 10% Real Juice, since that's where Cueball got his name and I turned Scott into a hero, but it's how life goes and I'll always remember the really good parts.
"Clint's always had a thing for redheads."
This time Sheila paused; she was on to him.
"What about Dakota?"
With a snicker, Dave passed a car and shifted the phone to the other side of his head.
"Do you honestly think he knew what Dakota's natural hair colour was? I don't think anyone does. I'd be surprised if Dakota herself could remember what colour hair she was born with. Besides," he said as Mr. Fitzgibbons hopped back up on the dashboard, "Dakota and Aura paired together made such an... energy... that just about everyone who met them wanted to date one of them."
[goddamnyoupaulmccartney.gahahaha.]
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(1 siamese-campino | gimme reject candy!)
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| Friday, June 13th, 2008
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7:45 pm - ... high kings do NOT tease young ladies with their severed hands
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I wore the bright orange tshirt that says 'your girlfriend thinks i'm hot' today. It was amusing, for the most part.
I'm drinking semi-warm rootbeer leftover from dinner and listening to Something Corporate; I'm itching to go up and work on the cover of the zine, but I'm lazy and don't really want to move from this swirly chair.
... and once again, I just don't give a good goddamn about rumours or truths and what's going on in other people's lives; it's their life to do with as they so choose, and as well as I'm aware that this upsets some people, I'm just going to avoid it all. It's easier that way.
Things change; people grow up and I'm left behind, living in the past and on delusions alone, and to be perfectly goddamn honest I'm pretty happy like this. You don't need reality to be happy sometimes. I sure as hell don't, anyhow.
I have some things to go write. Johnny's sparkly green drumset and girls named Legend; all that good stuff.
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(1 siamese-campino | gimme reject candy!)
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2008
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10:13 pm - ... king of the northwest quadrant
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My mother and sister are upstairs in the middle of the Mists of Avalon, which I only chose to watch a small part of; I have to stay awake until the movie is over because Amy wants me to drive her out to Blockbuster to return it. It's due back before midnight. Yaaay. *rolling eyes*
I've felt like absolute hell since the second I set foot out of the car this afternoon; I was fine this morning [aside from waiting in the rain and getting puffy hair] and I was even really good at lunch when I went home to eat and shower, but once I pulled the seat up for Summer and watched the two of them peel out of the court, I felt really tired... and just... sick.
It's bugging me now. I want to go to bed.
Every time I wash my hair, it fades twice as badly as before. I've never managed to get rid of Manic in less than four days, but at the rate I'm going my hair will match the new mint green paint in the kitchen in no time. Mmm, mint green hair. Delightful.
I'll be free in less than a week - it's making me shake at the knees just from thinking about. Summer and I can crash on a couch and watch cheesy eighties movies and terrorize James' street at three a.m. Maybe not... that's more a Jen and I thing... but I can smile thinking about it.
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(9 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
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7:18 am - ... one huge mofo emerald green one
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I had a stare-down with him yesterday until he looked away in disgust - we do it every time I put some fucked up colour in my hair, and I never get tired of it. I also never get tired of my mom's colourful commentary - in her humble opinion, I look like a mermaid on crack. Luff oo, Mummy.
I have to go to school very soon, I have to keep at it until I'm insane, and then I get to graduate. Isn't that fun? But it's not so bad; my internet radio woke me up with Misery and that made me very happy, and I shall get myself Tim Horton's to go for breakfast. That will make me even more happy. So then, off we go.
I bombed my guitar exam, though. Oh, well. We can't win them all - besides, rockstars rarely ever actually know the real way to play the guitar. They just play the way that feels right. [Avril Lavigne said that. I'd like to bottle up her cuteness and sell it one of these days.]
... and off we go. Everyone cross their fingers for me.
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(2 siamese-campinos | gimme reject candy!)
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curious